Email to a friend...
Coupla thots...
I think it's admirable that you hate to hurt anyone's feelings. It's evident from her unwillingness to communicate with you anymore that her feelings were hurt pretty bad, and it makes me glad to know that you feel regret for that. It's what a real human being, in my opinion, is supposed to feel. I'm sad though, that you cannot realize your hopes and dreams of being with her. It hurts like hell when our options are taken away from us; only they aren't taken away are they? That's victim thinking at it's best. We behave in a manner, make choices based on our own selfish desires, that ultimately result in those options turning their backs on us.
I was speaking to a friend of mine yesterday about this very thing regarding being in a relationship with a person again; which at this point in time I see, feel, have no desire for. We were bandying about the philosophy of how anxiety affects our abilities to relate to others. I have suffered from anxiety induced depression on and off for years.
I have recently began to realize that if I am honest to myself, I have felt this way for quite some time. The catalyst for this self-analyzation began when that friend of mine commissioned me to do a photo piece on the concept of "Trust". It was anxiety brought about by the pressures of our culture to be in relationship that I let myself believe not only was what I wanted, but what was expected of me.
I was telling him that perhaps it is my subconscious desire to be alone that has affected my behavior in such a way that has led me to this point.
Now, you might argue that I am rationalizing in the reverse...that I want to be alone because I am. I don't think so, but then one would expect me to say that.
I bring this up only to give you another perspective from which to analyze your behavior. There are many of us from our generation that I find suffer from this inability to relate to others, "emotional retards" if you'll pardon the rude expression. What surprises me is how many men are as equally affected as women.
We grew up in the early stages of television, where our culture was displayed in black and white, Ozzie and Harriet, Burns and Allen, Donna Reed, Father Knows Best, perfection.
The yards were always mowed, the house was never dirty, the parents never fought, the kids always did their homework and dinner was always on the table by 6pm. I know for my female friends this set an unattainable standard for those of us who grew up to be housewives. We all wanted to June Cleaver. What I wonder is did this broadcast culture affect men in the same or similar manner?
I truly believe early television had such a profound affect on the youth of the 1950's and 60's that it has incited us to lead lives of unparalleled perfection to the point that we are intolerable not only of others shortcomings, but our own as well, thus pushing us to reject anything or anyone less than the ideal we've come to expect.
Got on my soapbox there for a minute. It's the only explanation I've got for explaining how fucked up we all are. I think I'll put this in my blog.
I think it's admirable that you hate to hurt anyone's feelings. It's evident from her unwillingness to communicate with you anymore that her feelings were hurt pretty bad, and it makes me glad to know that you feel regret for that. It's what a real human being, in my opinion, is supposed to feel. I'm sad though, that you cannot realize your hopes and dreams of being with her. It hurts like hell when our options are taken away from us; only they aren't taken away are they? That's victim thinking at it's best. We behave in a manner, make choices based on our own selfish desires, that ultimately result in those options turning their backs on us.
I was speaking to a friend of mine yesterday about this very thing regarding being in a relationship with a person again; which at this point in time I see, feel, have no desire for. We were bandying about the philosophy of how anxiety affects our abilities to relate to others. I have suffered from anxiety induced depression on and off for years.
I have recently began to realize that if I am honest to myself, I have felt this way for quite some time. The catalyst for this self-analyzation began when that friend of mine commissioned me to do a photo piece on the concept of "Trust". It was anxiety brought about by the pressures of our culture to be in relationship that I let myself believe not only was what I wanted, but what was expected of me.
I was telling him that perhaps it is my subconscious desire to be alone that has affected my behavior in such a way that has led me to this point.
Now, you might argue that I am rationalizing in the reverse...that I want to be alone because I am. I don't think so, but then one would expect me to say that.
I bring this up only to give you another perspective from which to analyze your behavior. There are many of us from our generation that I find suffer from this inability to relate to others, "emotional retards" if you'll pardon the rude expression. What surprises me is how many men are as equally affected as women.
We grew up in the early stages of television, where our culture was displayed in black and white, Ozzie and Harriet, Burns and Allen, Donna Reed, Father Knows Best, perfection.
The yards were always mowed, the house was never dirty, the parents never fought, the kids always did their homework and dinner was always on the table by 6pm. I know for my female friends this set an unattainable standard for those of us who grew up to be housewives. We all wanted to June Cleaver. What I wonder is did this broadcast culture affect men in the same or similar manner?
I truly believe early television had such a profound affect on the youth of the 1950's and 60's that it has incited us to lead lives of unparalleled perfection to the point that we are intolerable not only of others shortcomings, but our own as well, thus pushing us to reject anything or anyone less than the ideal we've come to expect.
Got on my soapbox there for a minute. It's the only explanation I've got for explaining how fucked up we all are. I think I'll put this in my blog.
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