A Single Middle-Aged Woman...

One of the most disturbing things occurred to me today while researching the definition of codependency...I think I may be codependent on the past. How? you ask. Well, codependency has to do with control. At least that's what this link says... http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/Codependency.htm Anyway, after reading this it occurred to me that I am letting my regrets about past mistakes and choices control my present and consequently my future. How sick is that? Pretty sick, I say. I make a vow to myself this day...I will let go of my past. I will move into the future without regret. I believe I have apologized to those closest to me whom I have harmed and therefore have no other unsaid apologies to make. In the 12 step traditions I believe I have sucessfully completed at least steps 4, 5, and 8 throughout the last 11 years. So why have I hung on to those past regrets? Why have I punished myself so? Because in the true fashion of a codependent personality, if I just feel...

A friend of mine sent me a post from a Yahoo group that discusses Joseph Campbell's mythology wherein cycles were mentioned in the context that life is a progression of spirals, as that of a road winding up a mountain, as opposed to a linear progression culminating in the end of history. Which brings to mind, either way, there is a peak, a summit, an end to which the road comes, is there not? According to the post writer one encounters in their life similar types of problems time and again but each time we overcome a problem we gain experience therefore by the time we meet it again they have attained through that previous experience a more conscious awareness and thus meet them on a higher plane. Does this suggest we handle the problem better or just differently? What prompted my friend to send me this post was he remembered from an email I had written him in the wee hours one morning I had touched on the subject of cycles in my own life. This seems to be a recurrent theme for sing...

For quite some time now I've wanted to write a column addressing the issues that I, as a single middle-aged woman, face. Having no more writing experience than being a life-long journal keeper and a couple of college journalism courses, I make no claims that what you will read is going to polished or professional. What you will find, if I meet my goal, is candor and honesty...an unveiled attempt at exposing the joys and frustrations that I, and women of a certain age like me, face day in and day out as we journey through these murky middle-aged waters alone. Alone for a whatever reason.... separation, divorce, death, never having found the one , a few by choice but pretty much all of us just damn unlucky in love. It is my sincere hope that within these pages, you the reader, will find comfort, enlightenment, and humor. Abadoning pretense and form, I will attempt to communicate from my perspective and my life experiences, as well as those of the women I know, that happen to plague ...